The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Church divided on swine flu

The church has divided on the issue of who God is punishing by the imposition of swine flu on His creation.

A spokesperson from the Church of Hope and Grace In The Name Of He Who Sent His Unblemished Lamb As Lord and Saviour to Rescue Us From The Iniquity of Our Own Failings said it was "definitely the gays. Definitely."

LGBT Christian groups seized on this proclamation to suggest God is moving with the times, saying the relative scale of the disease, with only a handful of people dying and others recovering, showed God was not as pissed off with homosexual people as He used to be. But atheist groups labelled this a logical fallacy, saying it could just mean God's powers are on the wane.

Other Christian groups said the disease had nothing to do with homosexuality. A trendy vicar from Muswell Hill said "We run the risk of making everything about our preoccupation with homosexuality, rather than listening to God and seeing what He has to say to us. Clearly this global pandemic is a punishment for the war on Iraq."

The Vatican issued a brief statement commending God for learning from his mistakes, by bringing forth a disease that could not be prevented through contraception.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Competition Corner

The Provisional BBC will be awarding a prize of unspecified value for the best guess as to what the following person actually spends his money on. The excerpt is taken from the BBC's recent article where people earning over £100,000 pa complain about how they don't have enough money to live on and how they are not eligible for tax credits. Answers in the comments box, please.

Because my wife looks after the kids and hence does not currently work, she does not receive any tax free allowance and so we already are down to one allowance for the family. There is no married persons allowance any more to compensate for people in our situation and now it seems we are to lose the second allowance from next April, hitting us by what will amount to approx £300 a month.

We don't qualify for child tax credits either. We are not rich by any means, we live in a standard four bed house with a single garage on a housing estate in a normal town. Our kids go to the local comprehensive school. We don't have surplus money for expensive holidays and cars.

We know of several people with similar total family income to us that will continue to receive two tax free allowances because both of them work and individually their incomes are under the £100,000 amount. The system just does not seem fair at all. We are being penalized for having one of us stay home to look after the family.

£300 a month is going to be very difficult to find. We have never been hit so hard by a budget before. We probably won't be able to afford a holiday next year, plus will have to cut back in other ways.

Neither myself or my wife are from wealthy families, we've just worked hard to get where we are. It seems when you reach a point where things are improving you just get knocked back down.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Barack Obama wears clothes

Barack Obama has been spotted wearing clothes. The clothes were made by someone who makes clothes, and are thought to be worth an amount of money.

Other world leaders, including singer Carla Bruni's HAB Nicolas Sarkozy, were also spotted wearing clothes in a move bored journalists gleefully described as a "fashion challenge" to the US President. A spokesperson for Sarkozy denied the rumours, saying the wearing of clothes on state occasions was standard protocol.

"You can see that getting dressed is more than an official duty for Nicolas Sarkozy," said an annoying TV presenter. "Look at the way his shirt hugs every roll of flab - it just screams 'I want an international agreement on tax havens'."

But the leaders' decisions to wear clothes were criticised by campaigners, who said they should recognise ordinary people's hurt in this time of recession and go without.

In other news, the leaders also signed an historic agreement which could speed the end of the global recession by months.

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.