The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Daily Mail could cause cancer

The Daily Mail newspaper is causing alarming changes in the brains of the easily influenced, according to a skint neuroscientist.

Columnists such as Melanie Phillips, Richard Littlejohn and Quentin Letts are said to stifle critical abilities, and make people more self-centred.

The claims will make disturbing reading for the millions who tuck into their feast of hatred, bigotry, class prejudice and lies every day. But leading journalists say they are well supported by evidence taken out of context.

'My fear is that this technology is infantilising the brain into the state of small children who are easily scared and misled, who have a small attention span and who live for the moment' said Professor Greedyfool, adding "It is a scientifically proven fact that I have no idea what I'm on about."

But a government spokesperson said the only thing less reliable than an editorial on the causes of cancer was a front page reporting a cure for it.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

PM is very angry

Gordon Brown is "very angry" about proposed bank bonuses, according to his press team. He said executives should "think of the children" and reconsider whether they really wanted more money.

The Prime Minister's spokesperson warned Brown could get "even angrier" if executives do not heed his advice, and risks getting "monumentally peeved" if they award themselves higher bonuses than last year. It is not known at what point the Prime Minister might burst.

Brown said "We are leading the world in criticising the bankers, and in making them think very hard about the consequences of their actions." He refused to rule out putting bankers on the naughty step.

David Cameron denounced Brown for taking no real action, and said that Conservatives would have taken no action much earlier than Labour. He also suggested nationalising the top 100 UK companies and putting the banks in the hands of workers' communes. However, a report by the Daily Mirror later showed his butler was following him all day with his fingers crossed.

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.