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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Church divided on swine flu
A spokesperson from the Church of Hope and Grace In The Name Of He Who Sent His Unblemished Lamb As Lord and Saviour to Rescue Us From The Iniquity of Our Own Failings said it was "definitely the gays. Definitely."
LGBT Christian groups seized on this proclamation to suggest God is moving with the times, saying the relative scale of the disease, with only a handful of people dying and others recovering, showed God was not as pissed off with homosexual people as He used to be. But atheist groups labelled this a logical fallacy, saying it could just mean God's powers are on the wane.
Other Christian groups said the disease had nothing to do with homosexuality. A trendy vicar from Muswell Hill said "We run the risk of making everything about our preoccupation with homosexuality, rather than listening to God and seeing what He has to say to us. Clearly this global pandemic is a punishment for the war on Iraq."
The Vatican issued a brief statement commending God for learning from his mistakes, by bringing forth a disease that could not be prevented through contraception.
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