The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Daily Mail could cause cancer

The Daily Mail newspaper is causing alarming changes in the brains of the easily influenced, according to a skint neuroscientist.

Columnists such as Melanie Phillips, Richard Littlejohn and Quentin Letts are said to stifle critical abilities, and make people more self-centred.

The claims will make disturbing reading for the millions who tuck into their feast of hatred, bigotry, class prejudice and lies every day. But leading journalists say they are well supported by evidence taken out of context.

'My fear is that this technology is infantilising the brain into the state of small children who are easily scared and misled, who have a small attention span and who live for the moment' said Professor Greedyfool, adding "It is a scientifically proven fact that I have no idea what I'm on about."

But a government spokesperson said the only thing less reliable than an editorial on the causes of cancer was a front page reporting a cure for it.

4 comments:

andy amoss said...

'evidence taken out of context' hahaha. brilliant!

Paul said...

Excellent, balanced reporting, altough I agree with none of it. You should be awarded a prize for journalism. A ferrari would be good. I'll approach the authorities.

Andromeda said...

Followed you here from the Tom Harris blog.

http://www.1party4all.co.uk/Home/Account/TopicForm.aspx?topicsId=104

has a few recommendations inviting your comments about what to do about single mums.

(a) deprive a single mother of child benefit if she cannot produce a marriage certificate
(b) fine the single mother for producing an illegitimate baby, say £1000, if she does not name the father
(c) require her parent(s) to pay this sum if she cannot or will not
(d) fine the father of an illegitimate child a sum of money, say £1000
(e) require the parent(s) of that father to pay this sum if he cannot pay it himself
(f) require that the mother give up the child for adoption before more lives are ruined

tim f said...

suspect your cut & pasting means you won't see this reply - but they're all terrible ideas.

Here are some better ideas:

- better sex and relationships education
- a children's centres/Surestart centre in every community offering parenting courses (oh wait, the government is already doing this)
- universal childcare and more flexible working/training so single parents can do some part-time work if they want to as a preparation for entering the workforce
- higher child benefit & child tax credit

Out of interest, if your proposals were adopted, what do you think would happen to the abortion rate? And what would happen to the divorce rate?

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.