The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Farage hints at leadership bid

Nigel Farage has given the clearest indication yet that he may run again for the UKIP leadership.

Mr Farage did not commit himself, but refused to rule out leading the party again, raising doubts about who was really in charge of the United Kingdom Independence Party.

A political appointee, UKIP's new leader Lord Pearson has never held elective office. He became UKIP leader after former leader Farage made it clear he expected the party to elect him.

Rival parties were quick to label Lord Pearson a "puppet". Analysts are divided over whether Lord Pearson's public statements are carefully co-ordinated by Farage as part of a "good-cop/bad-cop strategy", or whether their collaboration hides tensions behind which Pearson and Farage represent different interest groups with different views on what direction UKIP should take.

Farage oversaw a surge in UKIP's poll ratings since taking over the leadership of the party in 2006. His half-naked poses in calendar shoots have been popular with the nation's women, and his name and image are used widely in marketing and advertising campaigns, including his own vodka brand.

But he has attracted criticism, notably including British chess supremo Nigel Short. The chess champ turned political activist said Farage had silenced critics within UKIP, and his iron control over the internal disciplinary units of the party had killed free speech.

Monday, June 01, 2009

PR Referendum now doubtful

Momentum for a referendum on PR to be conducted at the same time as the next General Election has stalled after supporters failed to agree on how the referendum should be conducted.

Supporters of the status quo argued that voters should vote for the system they liked the most, and the voting system with the most support should be used for the following election. But advocates of PR retorted that this method could ensure the incumbent voting system won without a clear majority of the electorate supporting it, and might force more radical systems geeks into second-guessing the preferences of others and voting for a system they hated less than FPTP, instead of the one the liked the most.

Others said voting systems should be ranked in order of preference, with the top three used to elect separate candidates in supersized constituencies, giving voters a "real choice" of system "not just once, but every election."

But there were worries that without a system of open primaries to decide which systems went to the vote, a referendum could place too much power in the hands of intellectuals, who would limit the range of options from which the electorate could choose.

Tory leader David Cameron quickly announced he backed all the options, and would "strongly consider" them if elected.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Church divided on swine flu

The church has divided on the issue of who God is punishing by the imposition of swine flu on His creation.

A spokesperson from the Church of Hope and Grace In The Name Of He Who Sent His Unblemished Lamb As Lord and Saviour to Rescue Us From The Iniquity of Our Own Failings said it was "definitely the gays. Definitely."

LGBT Christian groups seized on this proclamation to suggest God is moving with the times, saying the relative scale of the disease, with only a handful of people dying and others recovering, showed God was not as pissed off with homosexual people as He used to be. But atheist groups labelled this a logical fallacy, saying it could just mean God's powers are on the wane.

Other Christian groups said the disease had nothing to do with homosexuality. A trendy vicar from Muswell Hill said "We run the risk of making everything about our preoccupation with homosexuality, rather than listening to God and seeing what He has to say to us. Clearly this global pandemic is a punishment for the war on Iraq."

The Vatican issued a brief statement commending God for learning from his mistakes, by bringing forth a disease that could not be prevented through contraception.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Competition Corner

The Provisional BBC will be awarding a prize of unspecified value for the best guess as to what the following person actually spends his money on. The excerpt is taken from the BBC's recent article where people earning over £100,000 pa complain about how they don't have enough money to live on and how they are not eligible for tax credits. Answers in the comments box, please.

Because my wife looks after the kids and hence does not currently work, she does not receive any tax free allowance and so we already are down to one allowance for the family. There is no married persons allowance any more to compensate for people in our situation and now it seems we are to lose the second allowance from next April, hitting us by what will amount to approx £300 a month.

We don't qualify for child tax credits either. We are not rich by any means, we live in a standard four bed house with a single garage on a housing estate in a normal town. Our kids go to the local comprehensive school. We don't have surplus money for expensive holidays and cars.

We know of several people with similar total family income to us that will continue to receive two tax free allowances because both of them work and individually their incomes are under the £100,000 amount. The system just does not seem fair at all. We are being penalized for having one of us stay home to look after the family.

£300 a month is going to be very difficult to find. We have never been hit so hard by a budget before. We probably won't be able to afford a holiday next year, plus will have to cut back in other ways.

Neither myself or my wife are from wealthy families, we've just worked hard to get where we are. It seems when you reach a point where things are improving you just get knocked back down.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Barack Obama wears clothes

Barack Obama has been spotted wearing clothes. The clothes were made by someone who makes clothes, and are thought to be worth an amount of money.

Other world leaders, including singer Carla Bruni's HAB Nicolas Sarkozy, were also spotted wearing clothes in a move bored journalists gleefully described as a "fashion challenge" to the US President. A spokesperson for Sarkozy denied the rumours, saying the wearing of clothes on state occasions was standard protocol.

"You can see that getting dressed is more than an official duty for Nicolas Sarkozy," said an annoying TV presenter. "Look at the way his shirt hugs every roll of flab - it just screams 'I want an international agreement on tax havens'."

But the leaders' decisions to wear clothes were criticised by campaigners, who said they should recognise ordinary people's hurt in this time of recession and go without.

In other news, the leaders also signed an historic agreement which could speed the end of the global recession by months.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Daily Mail could cause cancer

The Daily Mail newspaper is causing alarming changes in the brains of the easily influenced, according to a skint neuroscientist.

Columnists such as Melanie Phillips, Richard Littlejohn and Quentin Letts are said to stifle critical abilities, and make people more self-centred.

The claims will make disturbing reading for the millions who tuck into their feast of hatred, bigotry, class prejudice and lies every day. But leading journalists say they are well supported by evidence taken out of context.

'My fear is that this technology is infantilising the brain into the state of small children who are easily scared and misled, who have a small attention span and who live for the moment' said Professor Greedyfool, adding "It is a scientifically proven fact that I have no idea what I'm on about."

But a government spokesperson said the only thing less reliable than an editorial on the causes of cancer was a front page reporting a cure for it.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

PM is very angry

Gordon Brown is "very angry" about proposed bank bonuses, according to his press team. He said executives should "think of the children" and reconsider whether they really wanted more money.

The Prime Minister's spokesperson warned Brown could get "even angrier" if executives do not heed his advice, and risks getting "monumentally peeved" if they award themselves higher bonuses than last year. It is not known at what point the Prime Minister might burst.

Brown said "We are leading the world in criticising the bankers, and in making them think very hard about the consequences of their actions." He refused to rule out putting bankers on the naughty step.

David Cameron denounced Brown for taking no real action, and said that Conservatives would have taken no action much earlier than Labour. He also suggested nationalising the top 100 UK companies and putting the banks in the hands of workers' communes. However, a report by the Daily Mirror later showed his butler was following him all day with his fingers crossed.

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.