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Saturday, October 18, 2008

New minister changes job title

Recently promoted minister Phil Woolas insisted on a revised job title as a pre-condition to accepting the role, it was revealed last night. He will no longer be known as the Minister for Immigration, but as the Minister against Immigration.

Woolas said that the government would not allow the population to expand to an infinite total of people. "There just isn't enough room for an infinite number of people in a finite space," he confided in Frank Field.

Woolas believes a decreasing population is just the thing to get our economy to grow again, because if we're lucky it will create a demand for labour that will force wage-inflation higher than the government is prepared to recommend for public sector workers.

Former Minister Liam Berk is said to be angry that his reputation as a hard-right nut was being undermined, claiming the move was a cynical effort to supplant him as fifth-in-line-amongst-the-younger-generation-to-succeed-Gordon-Brown.

Friends of Woolas claimed that he is not really racist, and the strategy was part of an attempt to triangulate the BNP, citing previous electoral successes like the attempt to triangulate the Militant in 1983. "Forget the centre ground, the extreme fringes are where elections are won," he is reported to have said.

But the minister's comments raised concerns that the next time there was a reshuffle, there would be no-one more right-wing than Woolas to fill the role. "New Labour have a proud tradition of appointing successively more right-wing MPs to extend immigration restrictions," explained a former Home Secretary who wished to remain nameless because he thought that gave him more credibility. "Jack Straw was replaced by David Blunkett, who was replaced by me, who was replaced by John Reid, who oversaw Liam Byrne, who has now been replaced by Woolas. Where can we go from here? We might have to make David Coleman as a Lord."

Meanwhile, a succession of polls showed that the worse the economic crisis becomes, the more immigration slips down the list of public concerns.

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Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.