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Monday, September 15, 2008

Liberal Democrats in middle-class tax break shocker

In a move set to shock absolutely no-one, the Liberal Democrats have proposed a novel scheme to cut the taxes of middle-class people.

Under the scheme, identity cards would be replaced by a "local leisure card" similar to supermarket loyalty cards, except less useful for working class people. Middle-class people would earn points for doing middle-class things - visiting the gym, shopping at Waitrose or going to the theatre. Parents living in postcodes with good schools could be eligible for "multipliers" which would see their score rise exponentially and taxes decrease similarly.

"It's time to end working-class culture in the UK," said Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg. "We will use the tax system as an incentive to replace football with yoga, Big Brother with Newsnight Review and fish and chips with taramasalta. If only we can turn Britain middle-class then maybe, just maybe we'll have a shot at government one day."

Health spokesperson Norman Lamb denied the move would incentivise paranoid pensioners to visit their yoga teachers every day in order to score more points. "Lalalalalalala, I can't hear you, I can't hear you," he argued.

Tories welcomed the scheme as, although beauracratic and totally unmanageable, it would "undermine the principle of socialised leisure and move Britain closer to an insurance model where we pay according to our own personal level of risk", according to Tory Spokesperson for Humiliating Fat People Andrew Lansley.

But libertarians said the move was yet further proof that the Lib Dems were not quite as batshit crazy as them. "This is just another extension of the big brother state," said a prominent blogger, who refused to be named in case ZaNuLabSSPolPotour came for him in the night. "First it was Oystercards, now this. I'm never going to a gym again."

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.