The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

MPs cannot win here, say Liberal Democrats

MPs cannot win here, according to the Liberal Democrats.

The research, presented as an "artistic representation" of a bar chart, shows that Labour and Conservative MPs received zero votes in the last European elections. In contrast, Liberal Democrat and UKIP candidates received sizeable votes. "It's a two horse race between the Lib Dems and UKIP - Labour and the Tories can't win here," said Lib Dem election strategist Chris Retard.

The findings, published in "Focus" leaflets around the country, have confused residents who thought they had a Labour MP. "It's a travesty of democracy," said Rob, an ex-miner from Barnsley. "I'm a Labour voter through and through, but according to the Lib Dems, my vote doesn't count for anything round here. We need proportional representation now."

Boris Johnson, Tory candidate for Losing the Mayoral Election to Ken Livingstone, said the Lib Dems were "big fat liars". "Liar, liar, pants on fire," said the parody of a public schoolboy.

The Liberal Democrats were recently forced to apologise after misattributing a supportive quote to David Cameron MP. According to Ed Davey, Chair of the Liberal Democrats' Lying Committee, the mistake was made by a deafblind intern who no longer works for the party.

Cameron speaks without words

David Cameron laid down the gauntlet to Gordon Brown at Tory party conference as he delivered his entire speech without using words.

Armed only with empty gestures, he denied the move was a gimmick, saying " ". Shadow Chancellor George Osbourne described the move as a masterstroke, saying "Voters like him much better when he doesn't say anything."

Despite denials the Tory party are lurching to the right, Mr Cameron spent twenty minutes quite literally waving the flag, and signalled a tough stance on immigration with a series of Nazi salutes (pictured). Outlining Tory economic policy, he trampled on the poor and crushed the weak.

But critics were quick to accuse him of lacking substance, and his repeated use of the middle finger was described as "misjudged" by senior Labour figures. "Actions speak louder than words," said a spokesperson for the Prime Minister, "but words speak louder than mime."

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.