The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Harman clarification

Labour's new deputy leader Harriet Harman denies standing for the position.

She told Provisional BBC's Radio Today: "I never said I wanted the position." But during the closely fought election, she was heard encouraging people to vote for her on numerous occasions.

Ms Harman, elected after receiving more of Jon Cruddas' second preference votes than Alan Johnson, said people voted for her out of confusion, not because she ran for the job. Pressed by the Today programme, she clarified "What I actually said is if I'd known then what I know now, I'd be a soothsayer. I don't think that's what Labour Party members elected me for."

She said she had not been declaring her intention to stand, but agreeing with the need for a contest.

It is thought unlikely Harman will become Deputy Prime Minister - her predecessor John Prescott held both roles - as Gordon Brown wants all the power for himself. Asked if she was diasappointed by the news, Harman lied.

Harman was today retrospectively backed by the Sun newspaper. "The name 'Johnson' was a misprint, and should have read 'Harman'" explained Murdoch. "The Sun always backs winners."

Controversy over Satan knighthood

Religious fanatics have been conducting protests all over the world after Satan was awarded a knighthood for his contribution to rock music.

Satan has been vilified by Christians since playing a key role in the crucifixion of Jesus, the Son of God. He was even forced to go underground after God threatened to throw him into a lake of fire. It wasn't until the 70s that he re-emerged as a force in public life, through the music of Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin.

But Satan is still a controversial figure with devout Christians. Fundamentalists in Texas burned British flags on street corners as George W Bush proclaimed the UK would go the way of Ninevah. The Pope described the move as "untimely", but a matter for the British government.

Outgoing Home Secretary John Reid defended Satan, saying he had played a vital role in the war against Christians. He indicated the government is considering tough new powers against Christians, including the introduction of lions.

Boris Johnson, the Tory spokesperson for idiocy, said he disagreed with the knighthood. "I'm all in favour of Christian-bashing, but drugs have made a far more important contribution to rock music than Satan ever could," said the notorious cokehead.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

McLaren in selection row

Steve McLaren tried to recruit former Welsh striker Ian Rush to the England team, it emerged last night.

McLaren's aides siad he was making good his promise to draw on "all the talents" from across the British footballing spectrum. But no-one explained why this meant asking a senile geriatric to represent a country he spent his footballing career opposing.

Current Welsh captain Robbie Savage described the move as an "insult", maintaining no Welshman would join a team with a chance of winning anything. Welsh sources said McLaren had used "underhand tactics" to expose the Welsh team's failings in an atmosphere of greater scrutiny.

Mclaren's botched attempt also caused controversy amongst his compatriots. Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce is said to be scathing, believing McLaren is trampling over the achievements of the '66 side and betraying the traditions of English football. Allardyce missed out on the England job after failing to secure the necessary nominations from the FA panel.

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.