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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Kennedy "should pay for treatment"

Liberal Democrat leaders who abuse NHS staff should be charged for their treatment, according to the Liberal Democrats.

"If you get rat-arsed on a Friday night and get taken to A&E where you try to persuade staff their children should be allowed to star in porn movies, is it right for the taxpayers to fund your life-saving treatment?" asked Numpty Lamb, the Lib Dem spokesman on health.

It is not clear what would happen to alcoholics not able to afford life-saving treatment. But Lib Dem Chief of Staff Ed Davey moved to reassure the masses that Scotch Charlie was not short of a bob or two. "The thing about being an MP," said Davey, "is you can't get sacked for turning up to work sozzled."

According to Health Spokesman Lamb, alcoholism is not the only disease whose victims should be forced to pay for their treatment. "Why should the young pay for hip replacements?" asked Lamb, adding "Ming's getting his done on BUPA."

Kennedy maintains he is not an alcholic, never has been, has received professional help to put his alcoholism behind him, and "enjoys a drink or two like everyone else". He denies he is in denial.


jdc said...

My contribution.

To coincide with the publication of figures for August CPI, the Office for National Statistics has announced a 'fine-tuning' of the CPI basket, following a major survey of purchasing behaviour in the UK.

A summary of the changes is below.

OUT: Bread, Milk
IN: Northern Rock Shares

Glen Watson, Head of the Statistical Outputs Group at the Office for National Statistics, said

"It was recently brought to our attention that only around twenty million units of bread and milk are purchased daily in the United Kingdom - well down from their peak, which was over fifty years ago! In contrast, almost three hundred million shares in Northern Rock recently changed hands in just one day."

The decision was welcomed by Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling, who said

"The Government is well on track to deliver our target of making Northern Rock shares affordable for the many, not the few. We have already brought their price down below the three pound mark, and Treasury Officials believe that they will be more attractively priced than bread and milk before the end of September".

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Anonymous said...


About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.