The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Exclusive to The Provisional BBC: latest sub-cabinet appointments

Gordon Brown is continuing his drive to recruit ministers who no-one elected and have never had anything to do with the Labour Party, the Provisional BBC can reveal.

Following the appointment of Sir Digby Jones as Minister for Screwing Over the Working Class, and former UN official Mark Malloch Brown as Minister for Buying A Couple Of Weeks On Iraq, the new PM got "a bit carried away", according to an unnamed MP about to leave Parliament.

The list of ten names, revealed exclusively to the Provisional BBC, includes former Tory Sebastian Coe, as well as popular chef Jamie Oliver and fictional character John McClane. In Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brown finally found a willing recruit from another party, albeit outside the UK.

Perhaps most surprising inclusion was that of Prince William as Minister for Diana, breaking a long tradition of royal independence from the executive branch of government. But William said he could not turn down the role and promised to put Diana "at the heart of everything the government does". William was the only new recruit not requiring a peerage, as he qualifies under a little-known section of the Magna Carta, 1215.

The Conservatives described the appointments as "crass populism of the worst kind", but admitted they wished they had thought of them first.

The new names in full:

Minister for Africa: Baroness Madonna
Minister for Being From Another Political Party: Lord Arnold Schwarzenegger
Minister for Community Relations: Lord Salman Rushdie
Minister for Diana: Prince William
Minister for Fighting Terrorism: Lord John McClane
Minister for Food: Baroness Victoria Beckham
Minister for Fucking Up The Olympics: Lord Sebastian Coe
Minister for Literacy: Lord David Beckham
Minister for the Prevention of Gun Crime: Lord Quentin Tarantino
Minister for School Dinners: Lord Jamie Oliver

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.