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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Cameron silence over Eton claims


Conservative leader David Cameron has refused to deny fresh allegations he attended Eton while taking hard drugs.

The claims emerged in an autobiography published by one of Cameron’s dealers.

Mr Cameron admitted he had done things in his past he was “not proud of”. However, he maintained that “politicians are entitled to a past which is privileged, and remains privileged”.

Throughout his leadership campaign in 2005, Mr Cameron declined to answer questions about his school attendance, though he claimed he had a “typical student experience”. “Most kids go to Eton at some point in their childhood,” said the deluded toff.

Norman Tebbit advised the Conservative leader to come clean about any private education, to put the issue behind him. But nameless apparatchiks suggested there was more: a dark past whose exposure would ruin Tory hopes of victory in a general election.

“When did he stop going to Eton? Did he attend Eton reunions? Did he continue attending Eton reunions after becoming a Tory MP? We need a full disclosure now,” said the anonymous source.

Parents’ groups expressed fears Cameron would seek to make private education more accessible to young children if elected Prime Minister. “Private education blights people’s lives,” said a worried mother. “It cuts people off from reality and brainwashes them with stupid ideas about free markets and health cuts. I won’t let the Tories send my Johnny to Eton.”

According to the autobiography, notorious cokehead Boris Johnson may also have attended Eton. The Spectator editor laughed it off, saying "I can't be expected to remember every little thing that happened during my heroin-taking years."

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.