The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

World could end sooner than we think

New research suggests rising obesity levels could cause major food shortages by the year 2020.

The Stern Report, written by US “shock jock” Howard Stern, says food prices will rise as supply goes down, so it’s best just to stop eating now.

PR expert and Tory leader David Cameron responded immediately by eating a lettuce sandwich while an aide forced lard into his stomach with a bicycle pump. Labour ministers promised to reference the incident in every speech for six months afterwards.

Liberal Democrat leader Menzies Campbell said people should be discouraged from eating by raising taxes on food. He denied the measure would hurt the poor, saying proceeds would “fund tax cuts for everyone, some of whom are poor.”

Other possible solutions include a “food rationing” system where overall food consumption would be capped and “food credits” could be exchanged for food or traded freely on the open market. Debate rages over whether the already-emaciated should be subject to the same caps as the already-obese, or whether they should be allowed to reach a healthy weight before being rationed.

Tony Blair promised action, but said an international agreement was needed. “Even if Britons stopped eating completely, the increase in Texas alone would wipe out any reduction in just five years,” said the PM.

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.