The Provisional BBC is a paramilitary organisation which split from the BBC in October 2006 in protest at its toleration of poor writing and Liberal Democrats. The Provisional BBC regrets any civilian casualties resulting from posts contained within, but lays the blame squarely at the foot of the Tories. It is our duty to resist them, by any and all means necessary.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

David Cameron poisoned

Tory leader David Cameron has been rushed to hospital in a suspected poisoning case. Traces of the carcinogenic painkiller phenacetin have been found in his bloodstream, suggesting someone gave him bad coke.

The critic of Tony Blair was returning from a London sushi restaurant when he felt "decidedly queasy". His condition is serious but stable.

Friends of Mr Cameron suggested he had been poisoned because of his opposition to Tony Blair's Labour Party, but a Labour Party spokesperson denied this. "If we were going to kill someone, we'd do it much more efficiently," he said. "He'd be strangled in his bed with a dead whore beside him, not sitting up and talking in hospital."

Scotland Yard officials arrested Cameron's dealer, who Labour's internal records describe as "Labour (weak)". He claims to have added the additive to bulk the weight of the drug, and denies his motives were political. "This bloke came to my door and asked me some funny questions. I told him I was Labour to make him go away," he said, adding "I don't even vote."

Mr Cameron defended his coke habit, saying "I believe in glass tables, not glass ceilings."

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.