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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Tory pin-up

Kate Moss has signed up as the new face of the next Tory election campaign, according to various sources. The model - a scantily clad picture of whom is opposite this piece - was approached after PR moguls decided people were more likely to vote for attractive women than balding fat middle-aged men.

The adverts will feature Ms Moss in a range of provocative poses, with the message "Vote Tory" inscribed against a blue background. David Cameron denied the posters suggested Ms Moss was standing for the Conservatives, saying "We will not put tax cuts before economic stability." However, he moved to reassure traditional Conservative voters, saying "We will share the proceeds of growth."

Amidst strong rumours the pair met through their dealer, an anonymous friend told us "Kate hasn't done coke for months. What's more, she wouldn't be seen dead anywhere near Cameron if she weren't making millions off it. Actually she votes Labour."

The moves look set to usher in a new era of politics, with glamour model Jordan suggesting she will stand for Labour next time round. Feminist groups expressed outrage as she promised to "get the tits out for the lads" should she win, whilst MPs rushed to the plastic surgeon in an attempt to guarantee their reselection.

Ms Moss is still going out with junkie Pete Doherty, though no-one quite knows why. Doherty invited fresh controversy last night after cutting open his AIDS-ridden body and bleeding all over an innocent child from Darfur.

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.