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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Celebrities could "take over" by 2016

If current trends continue Britain's celebrities will outnumber non-celebrities by the year 2016, according to the latest research from Celebrity Watch.

Britain is fast being swamped by waves of celebrities who refuse to work and expect the rest of us to prop up their extravagant lifestyles. Home Office officials would not confirm Celebrity Watch's figures, but admitted in private they were unsure Britain could cope with a sustained influx of celebrities.

"They talk about their human rights," said mortgage consultant and mother of two Christine, "but what about the rights of the majority to be prejudiced?" Fears have been expressed about celebrities' lavish dress sense and wild behaviour, at odds with the average hard-working Briton's family lifestyle. The new research comes only a week after former Home Secretary Jack Straw said he would not admit celebrity constituents to his surgeries unless they donned jeans and a t-shirt.

The Conservative Party revealed plans for a quota system, where a set number of celebrities would be absorbed every year. These plans were described as insufficient by UKIP, who believe they can win Tory voters disillusioned with David Cameron by taking a firm anti-celebrity approach.

"Celebrities make a valued contribution to British culture," said TonyBlair last night. "They entertain us and give journalists something to write about. But the government recognises people's fears about celebrities and we are committed to a fair, common-sense approach to celebrity."

Home Secretary John Reid was more bullish, and strengthened rumours he might run against Gordon Brown for the leadership of the Labour Party when Tony Blair stands down, saying "If I was Prime Minister I'd deport the lot of them."

Celebrity Watch denied claims their figures were made up and labelled accusations of connections to Nazi pressure groups "irrelevant".

About Me

Back after an extended exile from blogging. Depressing to be in opposition but likely to prompt more posts here.